Grant Me The Serenity
by Larien Kennan
Summary: When Severus and Hermione take a much needed vacation, the boys are given the mission of a lifetime....babysitting will never be the same...
1. Famous Last Words

Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)

By: Larien Kennan

Disclaimer:

N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance

O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters

T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid

M – stands for Money, which I have none of

I – stands for I'm a bum without money

N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story

E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me

All character depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me. Except of course for Minerva Snape, she belongs to DrusillaDax and is being used with her permission. This is meant as a small side story/sequel to Dru's stories _The Last Straw?_ and _The Camel's Back Did Not Break_. Enjoy!

Pairing(s): SSHG, implied DMHP, RLSB, RWOC

NOTICE: This story was originally posted on March of 2002 under my former pen name Erin Finnlaith. After having taken a long break from the fanfic writing scene I have decided to once again pick up my quill. I am continuing with 'Grant Me The Serenity' (as well as working on a few side projects). I am revising and reposting the original chapters and will take things from there. Hope you all enjoy yourselves. J

As this story was originally written in 2002 it ignores HBP completely, I may incorporate some elements of OOTP at a later date, but the ending will be ignored with prejudice.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."

- Unknown

Chapter 1: Famous last words…

The Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers stood at attention in the staff room. Hermione paced slowly back and forth in front of them. She would pause periodically and gaze at them warily, then resume pacing. They looked so calm and collected. This was an important event. Years of blood, sweat, and tears had led them to this point. Their entire friendship was riding on this one momentous occasion.

"Harry, Draco," Hermione started. "Today is the day you will be tested. It all boils down to this. You will face seemingly insurmountable odds, be pushed to the edge of your sanity, and there's agood chance you may not survive... I wish you the best of luck."

Beside her, dressed in a pair of jeans and T-shirt, stood her husband. He rolled his eyes heavenward and sighed continuously through her speech. However, had she looked at him, his face reverted back to his traditional sneer as he glared ominously at the rooms occupants. His eyes stone hard and clearly promising death to anyone who dared to cross him.

Smiling to herself, Hermione continued, "I am trusting you with this task, and I hope to find everything in order when we return."

Her fancy speech was interrupted with a snort, "Alright already! For the love of Merlin! Cut it out, we're not exactly battling the Dark Lord here! Go already!" Draco demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

Severus snorted, trying to contain his laughter, before a glare from his wife sobered him up.

"Alright, fine. But...are you guy sure your ready to handle this?" she asked.

Harry and Draco nodded their heads, Harry stepping forward to hug Hermione. "It's ok...we'll be fine. We have everything under control. If we really need help, we can always call Ron or, Sirius and Remus. Now GET GOING!"

Slowly, propelled slightly by Severus, Hermione started out the door. "Are you guy absolutely sure you can handle this? I mean really truly?"

"Please," Draco drawled, "exactly how much trouble can a two year old be? It'll be a snap." Draco snapped his fingers together for emphasize. "Don't worry."

Harry draped his arm on Draco's shoulder and smiled reassuringly at the couple. "Yeah 'Mione, it'll be piece of cake."

Later…

"Sev?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you really think they'll be okay?" asked Hermione, worry evident in her voice.

"Yes! Now stop worrying so much!"

"I can't help it. I just feel so bad, leaving her...if Albus hadn't insisted on this vacation..."

"Darling, this is the first time since Minerva's birth that I've gotten you all to myself, and I WILL NOT allow you to worry about our daughter. I know how you feel and I worry too, but this is something we both need to do. Besides," Severus yawned, "how much trouble can they possibly get into in four days?"

Famous last words ladies and gentlemen…

Well that's it for chapter one…Stay tuned for the next installment. Sev and Herm's vacation has just gotten underway and the boy's soon find out that babysitting isn't all it's cracked up to be…the fun has just begun! evil grin I'm not a Slytherin for nothing! MWAHAHAHAHA!

v Please leave a contribution in the little review box!


	2. The Fun Begins

Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)

By: Larien Kennan

Disclaimer:

N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance

O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters

T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid

M – stands for Money, which I have none of

I – stands for I'm a bum without money

N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story

E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me

All character depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things

I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."

- Unknown

Chapter 2: Day One…the _fun_ begins.

"Finally! I thought they'd never leave!" exclaimed Harry, falling back into a large chair in the staff room.

"I know. You'd think we were getting ready to battle an army of trolls the way Hermione was carrying on, rather then watching a small child," yawned Draco. "I mean, come on! We're fully trained wizards for crying out loud!"

"Yeah." Harry rubbed the back of his neck in thought. "So, how about we go and grab the rug rat from her playroom and head down to the Great Hall for lunch?"

"Sounds good. Let's go."

Harry and Draco headed down to the Dungeons to retrieve Minerva. Upon entering the child's play area they noticed something was wrong with the room…Minerva wasn't in it.

"Um…Harry? Where's Minerva?"

Harry didn't respond. Instead he let his eyes scan the room in search of the small child. His eyes came to rest on a door. A slightly cracked opened door. A door cracked open just enough for a small child to fit through. A door that led straight down to the potions laboratory.

"Shit…"

"What?" Draco asked surprised.

Just then a loud crash sounded followed by a high pitched giggle.

Realization dawned on Draco's face. "Shit…"

Harry and Draco made a mad dash for the potions lab.

Staying close to the wall, darkness surrounding him, Draco slinked down the massive Charms corridor. Like a snake he moved gracefully, and in complete silence. In front of him, about twenty feet or so away, was his goal. His prize. He would win this yet! He would not be taken down! He would not fail! For that he would have the gloating satisfaction of being the first to have caught--

"Dammit!" he yelled as his goal took off, leaving a trail of giggles behind her.

"MINERVA! GET BACK HERE!" Draco's screams were heard echoing throughout the castle, and by his three companions waiting in the Great Hall.

Harry laughed snidely, "Serves him right! I told him he'd never be able catch her on his own. But does he listen? No!"

Ron shuffled her feet and suddenly became very interested in his wand in a vain attempt to keep from laughing. He failed, "HAHAHA! Merlin! That was bloody hilarious! What was he thinking! Thanks for calling us in for this Harry. I wouldn't have missed it for the world!"

Ron grabbed the edge of a near by table to steady himself. It didn't help. Ron doubled over laughter, nearly hitting his head on the previously mentioned table. Carla merely cocked an eyebrow and smirked at her husband.

You see, dear readers, approximately five hours ago Hermione and Severus Snape had left Hogwarts and Hogsmeade far behind for a 'romantic get-away' as Hermione liked to put it, or as Harry liked to put it 'Severus's attempt at getting more sex'.

Either way the couple had gone off on holiday and left the care of their young, two year old daughter in Harry and Draco's _capable _hands. Hermione's only mistake was that she had allowed Severus and Albus Dumbledore to convince her that Harry and Draco would be able to handle taking care of a 'rambunctious' two-year old child all by themselves. For four whole days and three whole nights. (AN: cough yeahright cough) Harry was quite perplexed. As was usually the case when came to anything Minerva related. The second that Hermione and Severus had gone off…so had she…

They had started their search for Minerva in Severus's potions lab, but the child had come and gone. Leaving destruction in her wake. Both Harry and Draco were positive that if they were to survive the next four days with Minerva, it would be the last four days of their young lives. They would both be on the receiving end of an Avada Kedavra when Severus saw what had happened to his lab.

They had tried just about everything. Cookies, candy, cake, catcalls, promises no one intended to keep (AN: As if Harry would really ever let a two year old remotely near his precious Silver Star 3000. Nope. No way. Not that broom.). All their attempts had failed to lure the small child from where ever it was she was hiding. So they called in the re-enforcements (Ron and his wife Carla) and they searched…and searched…and searched…and then for a change of pace they searched some more. They had started in the dungeons and worked their way up to the Transfiguration hall. There they had run into Madam Hooch who informed them that the midget had been there some time within the last few minutes, wearing a green jumper and dragging a large red bear behind her. Ten minutes later, at the south end of the castle, Nearly Headless Nick said he had seen the "little tike" headed back down to the dungeons carrying a wand and swishing it about. He also commented on the beautiful red and gold sparks the wand was emitting.

"Shit! The little bugger's got my wand!" Harry cried.

"What?" yelled Ron.

Draco came up and smacked Harry on the head. "You moron! Why didn't you have it with you!"

"I just set it on table in our room before we left to meet with 'Mione. I didn't really think I'd need it."

Putting his hand on his forehead Draco sighed. "That's just it. You never think…"

Carla coughed getting the couple's attention. "Uh…I hate to interrupt your lovers spat but you do realize we have a _two year old_ child, with no magical training, running around playing with a _wand_, on our hands? Right?"

Draco and Harry looked at Ron and Carla then each other.

Harry heaved his shoulders in a sigh. "This just keeps getting better and better."

"Well, we better get a move on! We have got to find her! Harry you take the north and east wings of the castle, Ron you and Carla search the grounds outside. I'll take the south and west wings." Draco directed as he pulled a set of four walkie-talkies out of his robes. (AN: I know electronic devices aren't supposed to work in Hogwarts but go with me on this one… looks around There goes that fourth wall again…)

The hunt was on.

Draco took off heading down the west wing. Ahead he spotted a green blur rounding the corner at an extremely fast pace.

"Gotcha now kid!" Draco made an attempt to round the corner sharply but ended up slipping on a wet spot. His legs went flying out from underneath him and landed hard on his back in the puddle.

Standing up Draco looked around, noting that the child had vanished yet again and then down at the wet spot on the floor, then he felt the wet spot on the back of his robes. The _warm_ wet spot. Just then a rather unappealing aroma reached Draco's aristocratic nose. The _smelly_, warm wet spot.

"Awww F#K!" Pulling out his walkie-talkie, he pressed the talk button. "Everyone! Minerva is heading towards the exit and she is leaking. I repeat she is leaking!"

A laughing voice came through on the walkie-talkie. "You mean that she... and you... and pee…oh man… HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Yeah, yeah...very funny Harry. I'm going to change." Getting up Draco headed towards his bedchambers. "I hate this…"

Carla wandered aimlessly around the castle grounds, thoroughly un-amused by the little girl's antics. "No problem," mimicked Carla, "How much trouble could a two year old be? It's just four days. HA! As if! Those two obviously know absolutely nothing about chil-"

giggle snap

Hold it! What was that? Looking to her right Carla spotted a bush. She inched slowly towards it and crept up behind her unsuspecting target. The little devil's destructive run was going to end here and now!

"Gotcha!" Carla grabbed the small child around the waist and hoisted her up. "You're not getting away this time!"pshshsh!

Indeed, the girl she had in her grasp was Minerva. Now, what in the world was the pshshsh ? (AN: Well, honestly! What would YOU be doing in the bushes if you were a two year old child badly in need of a potty break?) Suddenly, a pungent aroma reached Carla's sensitive, debutant nose...and almost made her throw up then and there. "YUCK! EW! GROSS!"

Instead of feeling embarrassed, Minerva just giggled, smiling up at the adult holding her. "I go wee wee."

An internal struggle took place in Carla's mind: dump the child and save her clothes or take the child and ruin her nice, new, _expensive_ dress robes. (AN: Do we even need to think about the answer to this?)

All across the castle grounds and throughout the village of Hogsmeade everyone could hear one very pissed off female screaming, "GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE DEMON AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"

Harry continued on down the north wing, having found nothing that even remotely resembled a two-year toddler. Just then Harry heard a giggle. Then a swoosh of green ran past him.

"Hey! Minerva! GET BACK HERE!" Harry hollered, so loudly that the castle grounds seemed to shake. "That's it! No more Mr. Nice Guy! Accio Silver Star!"

Harry's Silver Star came zooming down the hallway and into Harry's waiting hand. Mounting his broom Harry shot off after Minerva, grabbing the child and heading straight for the child's room. There he wrestled her into her P'J's and dropped her into a playpen. Harry then proceeded to contact everyone via walkie-talkie and told them that the target had been acquired.

In the blink of an eye everyone was in the toddler's room, congratulating Harry on his success. Their thanks, however, was short lived.

Putting his hand over his nose, Ron made a face of utter disgust. "WHAT in the name of all that is holy is that SMELL!"

Looking around room, the others tried to find the source of the horrendous odor. They need not have looked at all.

"YUCKIE! Dootie!" Minerva scrunched up her nose and patted at her diaper. "ICKIE!"

The room's occupants, as one, turned to look at Harry.

"Alright fine! I'll do it!" Grabbing the child he attempted to change her diaper.

15 minutes later...

Harry, now covered in baby powder with a torn diaper stuck to his hair, tossed the small child back into her pen. "There! Done!"

Everyone in the room looked at Harry with sympathy. Though Draco's gaze held more amusement then anything else. After that battle they didn't have the heart to tell him that he'd put the diaper on backwards.

So they left it at that and retired to their respective rooms, for a good night's rest. They needed it.

Unfortunately it was not to be. In the middle of the night Harry awoke to a nagging feeling that something was wrong. Turning on his side and nudging Draco awake, Harry asked, "Where's my wand?"

Well there you have it! Chapter two! Sadly enough, many of the incidents above actually happened (to me and a few of my friends). -- I remember a couple of years ago my friend and I were baby sitting for a couple that lived down the street from us. We had to change the child's diaper. My friend said that she would take care of it, and I said alright. Well to make a long story short, right when she was in the middle of changing the child, it (yes 'it') got up and started running around the house naked. My friend and I ran after the kid and chased it around for about half an hour. Well, my friend spotted the kid running out of the kitchen and turning down the main hallway and as my friend ran to follow the kid she slipped in a wet spot on the floor (yes 'that' wet spot.) and…well you get the idea…Ahh, the pains of baby sitting! Hey, if any of you have horror stories to share feel free. I'm always up for suggestions and ideas on how to torture the boys some more. Stay tuned for chapter three. The fun has just begun! We'll also be checking up on Herm and Sev in the next bit. Seeing how that 'romantic-get-away' is going, hmm?

v Please leave a contribution in the little review box!


	3. Water, Water, Everywhere

Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)

By: Larien Kennan

Disclaimer:

N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance

O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters

T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid

M – stands for Money, which I have none of

I – stands for I'm a bum without money

N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story

E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me

All character depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the

things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."

- Unknown

Chapter 3: Water, water, everywhere…

It was quiet.

Strangely quiet.

Almost _too_ quiet.

The entire castle seemed to sigh in relief at the absence of a screaming, giggling, destructive two year old running through the halls.

Except, dear readers, for our _heroes_. For them, this was worse than her running amuck through the halls. This meant she was getting into something and that they needed to find her…fast.

"Where'd you last see her?" asked Carla, as Harry paced the length of the Great Hall.

"This morning. She was saying something about a beach…" Harry sighed at the blank stares he was receiving from the other occupants in the room. "Don't look at me. I have no clue…"

Draco snorted. "Apparently…"

Harry shot him a glare.

Ron raised an eyebrow at Harry. "Ummmm, what did you tell her?"

"There weren't any beaches around here."

"Oh."

Little did they know, our cute little bundle of terror was happily playing by herself in the Great Foyer. Now, why would this be a problem? It's just a relatively empty room; nothing breakable inside, nothing a two year old could possibly get into trouble with, right?

Wrong.

As Minerva walked around the Great Foyer looking at the various paintings and wall hangings she spotted a picture of a sandy white beach. The sun shining brightly in the painting as the ocean waves roared onto the sand.

Now Minerva wasn't a dumb child by any means. She knew her Mommy and Daddy had gone away to the beach without her. Key words being _without her_. Minerva was not very happy about this. She missed her Mommy and Daddy terribly and she wanted to go to the beach with them. Uncle Harry had told her there weren't any real beaches around here, so she couldn't go. But as Minerva gazed at the painting on the wall a light bulb went off in her little head.

If she couldn't go to the beach, why not bring the beach to her. Glancing down at her red teddy bear (aptly named Mr. Teddy) Minerva made a very important decision.

Reaching behind Mr. Teddy she unzipped his back and pulled out a long thin stick. After zipping Mr. Teddy back up, Minerva cradled the stick in her small hands. She knew very well what it was. It was a wand. She'd seen her Mommy and Daddy use their own enough times to understand how they worked…basically. Taking the wand in one hand she lifted it up and brought it down in a dramatic swish.

Meeting in the staff room in the north tower of the castle, our heroes set up their game plan.

"DRACO!" Ron tapped the blonde's head with his wand. "PAY ATTENTION!"

Grumbling angrily, Draco stood up and pushed passed Ron. "I'm going to look for her, I suggest you all do the same."

Ron watched with something close to horror, although more on the edge of embarrassment, as everyone in the room filed out behind Draco.

"Fine then! Have it your way!"

Marching down the halls, Ron turned in the first doorway he came to, which just happened to be the Great Foyer.

SLOSH

Looking down, our carrot topped friend knew exactly what it was at his feet, but where was it coming from? It seemed to be coming from EVERYWHERE.

Every door in he foyer had water leaking out from under it.

ACHOO!

Ron rubbed his nose and looked around the foyer for what had caused him to sneeze.

ACHOO!

Rubbing his nose again, Ron looked up. His eyes widened and he didn't even get a chance to utter a scream as a mountain of sand descended upon him, burying him.

Several Minutes Later:

Ron managed to dig his way through the sand up to his waist. Gazing around the room he quickly evaluated the situation.

"Oh damn," he grumbled, pulling his walkie-talkie from his robes. "Guys, we have a problem…"

Shortly after Ron's 'mishap' everyone (AN: Madam Hooch, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Trelawny included. Not even they could escape the madness! MWAHAHAHAHA!) gathered in the Main Entrance Hall, and found water leaking under all of the doors and slowly making it's way down the stairs. Minerva sat at the top of the stairs, clearly pleased with what she had done.

"What the hell?" Carla stuttered, opening the closest door to her.

Now picture if you will, a rather 'large' wall of water "sitting" in the doorway. Now, the laws of nature will tell you that water cannot stand up on its own, there has to be something supporting it or it will fall. The laws of magic tell you that anything is possible…in this instance the laws of nature won out. SPLASH!

"I'M GOING TO KILL HER!" a now wet and dripping Carla screeched. Harry and Ron tried in vain to contain their laughter.

Draco, who had been fairly quiet during all of this, spoke up, "I suggest calling in the recruits." The others looked at him strangely. Harry smiled.

"Right! I'll call them!" Harry went to grab Minerva, but to his horror she was gone…again. "Awww! DAMN!"

"Alright. Let's start the search AGAIN! She can't have gotten too far," said Draco as he pulled three more walkie-talkies from his robes, handing them to Flitwick, Hooch, and Trelawny. Turning he addressed Harry.

"Love, hurry up and gather the recruits. We're going to need all the help we can get."

"I'll help Carla with her...um…yeah," Ron gestured towards his water logged wife and Draco just nodded.

And thus, dear readers, the search began anew. Our heroes searched everywhere they thought the demon-child could have gone. Well, _almost_ everywhere…

Minerva's Playroom 1100 hours:

The little terror was at it again. Yes ladies and gentlemen, our sweet devil was once again…watching television!

Yes television. (AN: Honestly people, what other way could you possibly get a two-year to sit still when their not sleeping! After all Hermione did come from a muggle household. It does make sense that she'd want her daughter to experience the joys of both worlds, not just the wizarding.) In fact she was sitting happily amongst her stuffed

toys watching an old muggle cartoon called 'Tiny Toons'. Now, unlike Minerva's previous activities, this was harmless, right? I mean it's just a kiddie show, what could possibly happen? No trouble at all, right? (AN: Say it with me people…) Wrong!

Minerva was watching an episode entitled "The Potty Years". As she watched Plucky Duck toss a wad of toilet paper, a rubber ducky, a sailboat, a teddy bear and various other objects into the toilet bowl, another light bulb could be seen flashing above her small head.

Getting up from her mountain of stuffed toys she wandered out of the playroom and down the hall…

Later:

Minerva pushed the bedroom door opened and peaked her head into the room. This looked promising. In the other rooms she had visited nothing had been within reach of her two year old frame. Pushing the door opened, Minerva made her way into the room. Climbing up onto a nearby chair the she found what she had been searching for. Sitting on said table was a box. The said box held a set of very expensive antique chess pieces. Minerva smiled happily at her find. Grabbing the box she made a beeline for the bathroom.

"Thank goodness! I thought we'd never finish drying out the place! Not mention me!" yawned Carla, as she swept into the room she and Ron were using for the duration of their stay. Ron followed her into the room flopping down on the bed.

"No kidding! Even with magic, it took a lot longer then I would have thought."

Carla stretched again and headed for the door.

"Where're you headed?" asked Ron

"I'll be right back. I've got to make a run to the loo." With that Carla headed for the bathroom.

SLOSH

Looking down Carla almost groaned. "Not again…" she grumbled, pulling out her walkie-talkie. "Hey guys! Heads up! Our demonic water nymph has struck again…"

Everyone, minus Harry, arrived soon after to find water making it's way from the bathroom and trickling down the hall.

"The hell?…" stuttered Ron. As he stepped through the bathroom door his jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out.

My dear readers, picture in your minds, a large porcelain bathroom complete with gold trim, crown molding, Minerva standing next to the toilet a chess piece clutched in her small hands, water coming from the overflowing toilet, chess pieces swimming in said water, with more emerging 'from' the toilet…

"THE LITTLE BRAT IS MINE!" Ron screamed, his face turning a nice shade of red, complimenting his red hair. Ron lunged at Minerva, but Flitwick intercepted him and grabbed the small child, saving her from a most unfortunate fate…for now.

Draco rubbed his forehead in agitation.

"Where is Harry with our back-up?" Sighing Draco turned to the others.

"We're going to need to get this cleaned up. Ron, Carla. I know you just finished with the entrance hall and the foyer, but this _is_ your bathroom…"

"Yeah, yeah, we get the idea." Carla's brow furrowed in annoyance. "Come on Ron, you need to work off some steam, and we need to figure out how to stop this toilet from overflowing."

Just then an odd odor began wafting through the room.

"When _was_ the last time she had a bath?" Flitwick asked, looking down at the child in his arms.

"I think it was yesterday morning, why?" Draco said.

"Sheneedsoneverybadly! Here!" Flitwick said hurriedly and thrust the girl at Hooch then rushed out, Draco trailing close behind.

Trelawny began sneaking out when she found herself at wand point. Madam Hooch narrowed her eyes and pressed her wand closer to Trelawny's throat.

"Don't _even_ think about it. You're in this with me."

"Oh my! The stars foretold this would be a bad day!"

Elsewhere:

"This is great! I'm glad you talked me into this," sighed Hermione, stretching out on her towel so that she was facing Severus as he finished pitching a small dome shaped tent to shield them from the brutal heat of the sun.

Turning her head Hermione gazed at the water lapping along the shoreline, the tropical breeze ruffling her hair.

"Don't get comfortable yet, love. We're going snorkeling!" From a large canvas bag Severus dragged out two sets of flippers, two snorkel tubes, and two face masks.

"You have got to be kidding me." She held up the flippers and face mask. "I'll look like a giant frog!"

"Well then you'll be the most beautiful frog I've ever seen," he laughed kissing the tip of her nose. "Try not to scare the fish." With that he pulled out a rather large bottle of sunscreen.

"What are you doing? I've already got some on."

"You'll need more."

Hermione turned her back and lifted her hair, twisting it into a knot on the top of her head and fastening it with a clip. Severus let the cool lotion drizzle onto her warm skin making her shiver involuntarily. His big hands smoothed the cream along her back and down her arms, massaging as he went, taking his dear sweet time. Hermione sighed and relaxed into his ministrations.

"Now what?" she asked, her flesh tingling from his touch.

"Now, we hit the water."

"Hmmm. I can think of something else I much rather "hit"." Hermione smiled brazenly up at her husband as her hand traced a path down his stomach to the waist band of his swim trunks.

"Why you little minx!"

"But of course—" she didn't get a chance to finish. Her husband claimed her lips with his own. Their snorkeling gear lay forgotten on the sand…

And here we have it chapter three! Hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for chapter 4, where we're going to get an entirely different view on the situation. It's about high time Minerva had her say in all this, don'cha think?

v Please leave a contribution in the little review box!


	4. Other Side of the Fence Day One

Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)

By: Larien Kennan

Disclaimer:

N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance

O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters

T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid

M – stands for Money, which I have none of

I – stands for I'm a bum without money

N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story

E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me

All characters depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."

- Unknown

Chapter 4: Other Side of the Fence…Day One.

It was a nice day, I guess. The sun was out, the sky was blue, we were at the playground and all the other kids were laughing and squealing together. Yeah, a real nice day. I didn't join them though. I have better things to do... like hang with my mommy. I love my mommy to death. She is one of the sweetest most wonderful people in the whole world! I love my daddy too, but he's teaching at the big building outside of town, so for now it's just me and my mommy.

She was holding me in her arms about to leave the noisy playground when a group of girls stopped outside of the exit and started talking to mom and cooing over me. I am, after all, the most adorable child you will ever see in your life.

And so, no matter how much I wanted to get out of there, I let the teenagers coo and fawn and have their fun. I smiled my adorable little 'I'm an innocent little angel and you'd better believe it' smile and they sighed even louder. Mommy seemed to be having a ball showing me off too. But then things went down hill and the whole day got ruined.

After we finished at the park mommy took me home and set me in my crib. Something was wrong. Mommy kept rushing in and out of different rooms grabbing different things as she passed. 'What was going on?'

A little while later mommy came into my room and picked me up, taking me out into the living room where I saw…suitcases? Okay something really weird is going on here, and I already don't like it.

We headed up to daddy's work. When we met up with daddy I almost did a double take. My daddy was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. If that wasn't weird enough he seemed to _enjoy_ wearing them. Now I know my daddy pretty well and that's just…weird.

Mommy and daddy brought me up to the playroom near daddy's office and dropped me in my playpen. Then mommy started crying. I was really confused. Then daddy put his arms around mommy and I heard the words _babysitters_ and _vacation_. I froze. 'Oh no.' I'd heard about this from some of the other kids at playgroup. This was not shaping up to be the best of days.

Just then Uncle Harry and Uncle Draco came into the playroom laughing and joking. Why? I had no clue. This was no laughing matter. My parents were about leave me with a bunch of strange incompetent people for care takers. Mommy started talking about me but I wasn't really paying attention. That is until I saw her hand a long piece of parchment to Uncle Harry. 'Uh oh.' Forget strange incompetent people, my parents were leaving me with my Uncles. This was bad. Very bad.

Mommy turned around to look at me and quickly replaced my look of horror with my 'I'm cute, you don't want to leave me or I'll cry' face. I didn't work. Dang it! She's put her defenses! Mommy said something about having to go now, but wanting to talk to my Uncles privately before they left.

'Leaving me?' My immediate thought was, 'Why now? Can't we do this tomorrow? I'm sorta in the need for a change... if ya know what I mean.'

I was ready to protest. But I can't really talk that well, actually I probably could if I wanted to... but most people seem to prefer the old 'ga-ga, boo-boo' stuff. After kissing me on the cheek and handing me Mr. Teddy (my best friend in the known universe) my parents left the room.

One hour later I found myself lying on my back in my very uncomfortable playpen. Who thought up the term playpen anyway? What am I? A farm animal? Every so often one of the people daddy works with would come into the room, make scary faces, pinch my cheeks, poke my tummy, coo at me, and ask me stupid questions. It was getting old…fast. At this point I've arrived at two possible conclusions. I've either been turned over to some scientific lab attempting to find the genes that make such adorable children like me, or I've been abducted by aliens and my parents were brainwashed into thinking it was okay. Finally, I heard a familiar voice.

Turning my head I saw the nice nurse lady friend of my mommy and daddy's. What was her name now? Puffy? Muffy? Poofy? Poppy? That sounds right! Poppy! She comes over to my house a lot to talk with mommy and play with me. Thank Merlin! Someone I know!

Poppy smiled down at me, then lifted me out of the playpen. Yay! If I'd been lying there any longer I would be suffering from permanent back problems! Poppy held me in the crook of her arm and with the other began to tickle me lightly. I've played this game before. Laugh high-pitched and annoyingly, otherwise known as giggling, and they will fall in love with you. So I did.

"You're gonna have lots of fun here, aren't you Mini?"

Yeah, whatever you say. I hate it when people call me 'Mini'. Can I go home now? I am in serious need of a bottle.

"Well, I have to get back up to the Hospital Wing now. I just wanted to check on you."

What? Wait…no! Don't put me back! Anything but that!

"I'm just going to put down near your toys so you can play. It can't be much fun sitting in the pen all day. Bye bye Mini!" With that she left.

Score! Freedom! I'm out of my prison! Yes! Now to find a way out of this room…

It only took me about ten minutes to figure out how to get the doorknob and when I did I high tailed it out! Heading down the hallway in front of me,Icame to another door. It looked familiar so I pushed it open. Ah! Now I now why it looked familiar, I'm in daddy's lab! I'm not really supposed to be down here, daddy doesn't like it, but daddy's not here now is he? I'll teach then to leave me alone…

The only thing I can say about daddy's lab is that it's…clean to say the least. A few green plants, spotless floor, bare walls save a couple sets of shelves holding…well I don't think I want to know what that stuff is. Turning to my right I saw what looked like a jar full of glowing sparkles flying around inside it. Needless to say I wanted to play with it! So walked over to daddy's desk chair and pulled it, ever so slowly, across the room to where the sparkle jar was.

Climbing on top of it I reached for the jar. Darn it! Not high enough yet. Stepping on the shelf nearest to me I made another grab.

CREEK

'Uh oh'. Not good…

CREEK

'Gulp' WOAH! The shelf beneath me collapsed and I fell back on my butt. I looked up to see the entire shelving unit teetering back and forth, before falling over and hitting the shelves next to it, and so on, and so on, and so no…until all the shelves and collapsed in a really neat domino effect…creating a HUGE mess. 'Uh oh…' I'd better get out of here…now.

Several Hours Later:

Walking down another hallway, identical to last, I was really confused. I think I'm lost. Oh well. At least I've managed to avoid the adults so far. There're more of them then there were before. Uncle Ron and his wife are here now too. Great just what I need, more adults to avoid. Well I've managed well enough so far. Walking down the hallway a little farther things started to look familiar. Thank goodness! I really have to pee! I don't think my diaper can hold up much longer. It's getting pretty soggy. And it's starting to get uncomfortable. I need a change.

CREEK

What was that? Turning around I spy a head of blond hair just around the corner. Ah! So Uncle Drakie-wakie wants to play? Let's play! Now it's not very easy running when you have to pee really badly, but I managed. Almost. I left Uncle Draco a little present, I hope he doesn't mind….Yup he minded. Oh well. On to more important matters. Finding a place to pee.

Later:

Ah finally! I can pee in peace. Much better. Hey wait a minute! I'm going up! Why am I going up! Oh no! Not this lady…I _was_ in the middle of something thank you very much!

"Gotcha! You're not getting away this time!"

You need to get your vocal cords tightened or something. You sound like a dying seagull! Geez! Would you quit shaking me? I still really have to…never mind. Hey, her face looks all funny…hehe…let's just add some icing to that cake shall we? "I go wee wee." Hehe that should do it…

Ow…I didn't know it was possible for anyone to scream that loud but me. Oh hey! I'm free again! Alright! I'm outta here!

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE DEMON AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"

Not on your life lady!

Later still:

I'm starting to get really tired now. All this running, and I haven't even had my nap today! I need to find a place to hide out for a while. Maybe there's something down this hallway. Yep there is…just not something I really want to deal with. Maybe if I'm really quiet Uncle Harry won't notice me…scratch that, I've been spotted. Better make a run for it!

"Hey! Minerva! GET BACK HERE!"

As much as I love you Uncle Harry…I don't think so! Better put on some speed…

"That's it! No more Mr. Nice Guy! Accio Silver Star!"

Oh no…this can't be go-ooph! Oh well…this is kind of fun. I like flying. Daddy sometimes takes me on his broom, although mommy yells a lot when he does it.

PLOP

Hey! That hurt! You could've been a bit more gentle with that landing, ya know…Oh please no! Not the blue and white striped PJ's…I hate those! Please don't put them o-…You put them on me. Wonderful. Sometimes being two really bites! Nobody cares about what I want! Humph! Oh look, here comes the congratulatory party now…_hail the conquering hero_…whatever. I really need a change right about now…no wait…ah! _Now_ I need a change!

"WHAT in the name of all that is holy is that SMELL!"

Well duh! What do you think it is? I'll give you a hint, it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. That's it look at me…I'm the cute one! Okay you can stop staring now, and start with the changing! Come on people, this diaper is getting _very_ uncomfortable. Don't make me start crying. Let's go! Maybe this'll get them to move faster…

"YUCKIE! Dootie! ICKIE!"

There that should do it! Grown ups eat that stuff up.

15 minutes later:

This is so not right! I can't believe Uncle Harry! What kind of idiot doesn't know how to put a diaper on correctly and expects to babysit? Well…apparently these guys. This thing is going to start chafing now! I want my mommy…

Later (again):

I awoke that night and was about to scream for mom to come tuck me in again before I remembered where I was. Instead of calling for my _babysitters_, I decided to do some quality thinking. Unfortunately the only thing I could think about was my mommy and daddy. That left me feeling depressed. On to bigger and better things.

I'm hungry…really hungry. I want my bottle! Now I'm in my crib and the adults are somewhere else, how's this going to work…(how do you think?). Time to turn up the decibels. WWWWAAAAAHHHHH!

Ah! Here they come now!

"What is it now Draco? What's wrong with her? Ow! For the love of Merlin! Could she be any louder?"

Yes actually I can…wanna see?

WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

"Draco, make her stop crying!"

"Quit shouting, love! Maybe she needs another diaper change?"

Well, not really... but that's not a bad idea...

And so I was quiet while the cleaned me up. Ahhh...much better. Finally! Someone who knows how to change a diaper! Now all I need is that bottle. Time to cry again!

WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

"Oh, Draco, she's doing it again! What's wrong? We just gave her a nice new diaper!"

"Uh…umm..hmm. Let me try something."

Anyone ever seen a grown man cross his eyes, stick out his tongue, and give himself antlers using his hands? Well, I can tell you now, it is NOT as funny as it sounds. Actually, I think I'm going to have nightmares from now on. Oh great! Now Uncle Harry's joined in by stretching his mouth out with his fingers and rolling his eyes around.

Slamming my eyes shut, I screamed louder. Make them STOP! PLEASE!

"It's not working Draco. Nothing makes this kid happy!"

Hey! I resent that remark!

"Well, maybe she's hungry?"

BINGO! My eyes popped open at that. A bottle was headed straight for my mouth. Yes! It's so beautiful! Now, come to Minerva…that's it.

Mmmm…yum. I drank almost the whole bottle and was finally satisfied. For now...I had the sinking feeling that this was going to be a LONG next couple of days.

Sighing. I fell asleep again. This time uninterrupted…

There you have it! Another chapter! Day One from Minerva's point of view! So what'd ya think? Good, bad, indifferent? And that concludes the original chapters posted under my old pen-name. Chapter 5 should be up soon, it's abotu 50 done.

v Please leave a contribution in the little review box!


End file.
